"Sometimes we expect more from others because we’re willing to do that much for them."
May 22, 2012
May 22, 2012
The Future…?
I’m already 20. Heck, I’m halfway to 21. And it feels like I’ve done nothing with my life. I wish I could say that I’ve spent this quarter or my life laying the foundations for the rest of it, but… I don’t think I’ve done anything productive. I can’t imagine looking back in 10 years and wondering where that last decade of true youth went to. I don’t want to be one of those people having a mid-life crisis at 30.
Maybe I’ve gotten all the hedonism out of my system these past two years. I hope so. There has to be a balance between work and play, and I think I haven’t balanced them well. Complacency and denial.
First, I need to admit to myself what my dreams and goals are. When I think of something, I get excited about it. I build huge, ambitious clouds of ideas in my head. I try to look for validation from people, but I guess the people around me don’t dream big enough. And I lose confidence. The winds of insecurity then blow these mammoths into tiny wisps, dispersing them into naught but a memory.
Then, I need to stop basing my life on others. I need to stop depending on others and be more independent. I guess this is the most difficult part to change. How does one change something that is innate anyway, barring the obvious life-changing event, or a forceful change which would likely leave you broken.
In the days and weeks and months to come, I will sit on this egg and nurture it. I’ll keep it warm and protect it. When it’s ready to hatch, I hope I’ll see new life and not death. Or something grotesque, twisted beyond recognition.
Resolutions and wishlists and steps to take. Hopefully I’ll mature before I pass out of conscription.
April 30, 2012
Wet Hair
I’m horrible at coming up with titles. But that’s my predicament now. I have to be at 4am (it’s already 1am), and I’m still awake typing this little entry on my new Tumblr. I don’t even have a point to this entry. I just feel like typing.
Sitting at a stairwell where there’s a very light breeze occasionally blowing through. This really annoying frog that’s croaking incessantly. The steady humming and chirping of crickets. I think the night is very comforting. I’m nocturnal, a night owl. And yet I don’t have the option of living my body clock. Ahhh… Society.
I find it really annoying that when I actually have the time to pen - or type, in this case - down my thoughts, I feel so uninspired, and yet I’m exhausted beyond breaking point, and I’m getting ready for bed, all the once-elusive illustrious thoughts come rushing in like there’s no tomorrow. And yet, I have to force myself to suppress these thoughts because I know I have to sleep because the next day will be a long way.
Like now. I’m not particularly sleepy, and I’m waiting for my hair to dry, and yet nothing’s really coming out. I bet when my head hits the pillow and I work on falling asleep, nuggets of wisdom would stream in. By then, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
Woe is me.
My hair is decently dry now. Providing medical coverage for an outcamp run at West Coast Park of about 400+ people. Pray nothing major happens. Scratch that. Pray nothing happens, that it’ll be an uneventful day. Last week was eventful enough, tyvm.
April 22, 2012
A Fresh Start
Blogger doesn’t work well with my phone, among other restrictions. And there’s a Tumblr app for BB, so I’ll try this out for now. If you see this (and have Tumblr), follow!
My old Tumblr has been renamed to http://dyzpa2.tumblr.com. Not particularly imaginative, but whatever.
See y’all around. (:
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